The pain of losing mum is still as vivid as yesterday

My mum Leith was killed in a crash just 100 metres from our house in Perth on the August 18, 1991.  
The crash was caused by an unlicenced minor who had stolen the car and was being pursued by police. Mum was in her friend’s car. It was hit from behind. The seat belt failed and she was thrown through the windscreen and down the road a fair distance.

My brother and I were at our grandparents house staying the night when the police arrived and told them the news. I was 9 at the time and my brother was 7. At that age I had a fair understanding of what had happened but I didn’t grasp the reality of the situation. I guess the next day it kinda hit home more. The thought of never seeing my mum again. Wondering whether I would forget what she looked like. Seeing my family in so much pain and all the thoughts of, ‘What happens now?’
It was very hard to hold back my emotions at the funeral and even now, just thinking about that day, still upsets me. I can clearly see my family at the cemetery. I can see everyone’s faces and how sad they all were. I remember everyone came up to our family and individually expressed their condolences. Putting on a brave face for every one of those people was extremely difficult.

The pain of losing mum has eased over time, but is still as vivid as yesterday. I still think of her today and every time I achieve a personal goal I pause for a second to let her know it was because of her I have become this motivated, strong person today.

Mum’s death has been a driving force in my development. Thanks to the support of my family, who all shared the role of "mother" over the earlier years of both my brother’s and my life, we have turned out alright (I think ;)). The loss of such a pivotal person in your life will never leave but I guess it’s how you deal with it after you have mourned their death and how much you let it affect you that matters.

I have now lived longer without my mother than I did with her. It now feels normal that I don’t have a mother. But I’m still envious of the lucky people that get to see their mother or simply pick up the phone just to have a chat. They’re the lucky ones. They just need to know it.
 

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